12 Melancholy
by Selbe
Summary: Kaoru is going through some tough times, and the only consolation he could think to try was alcohol. This event sets the whole story into motion. Can someone help him get over his loss of his first love- and his first girl love? Discontinued.
1. Chapter 1

_Graduation parties always disgusted me_, he thought, sitting all lonesome on the table, staring down at the pink floor in the host club room. _I wonder if they've noticed I'm not there._ He doubted it. He truthfully doubted it. _My self-pity is what's really disgusting. _

He took another swig of his drink. He had gone to a length of trouble to sneak the beverage in, and he planned on enjoying it. He guzzled down the rest of the bottle, ignoring the flavor. He had never been partial to alcohol. The flavor always was stuck in his mouth afterwards, so he only drank wine when he had to toast.

The lights weren't even on in the room, but the lanterns and festive lights outside shone through the windows, giving him just enough light to see the bottles at the table. He picked up another bottle, popped the cap and gulped it, dreading the taste. _Why isn't he with me? He knows I hate these as much as he does. _He knew where he was at though. He was with the girl again; the girl that he'd given up for the sake of Hikaru.

_When did the drink get so bitter? _He wasn't thinking about the drink. He was thinking of himself. He could barely even taste the foul concoction anymore. He remembered stealing the commoners' drink from one of his maids. They had just presumed another maid had taken it, but Kaoru would never admit to taking it.

_So Mori and Honey are leaving. _It wasn't the end. Tono wanted to proceed with the club, and so they all would. He'd probably go out and grab some freshmen to take the place of the two. It was all about their connections and looks; nothing more, nothing less. He was starting to feel a bit sick.

"I'm done," he said aloud, thinking it more likely to be true if spoken. Three other full bottles sat at the table awaiting him. Instead of grabbing them, he ignored the buzzing in his head and went for the mouth wash and brush he'd brought. He needed to get the smell of the beer out of his mouth.

He spent ten minutes at the sink, brushing and rinsing. _Am I drunk?_ The question ran through his mind. He had never been one to drink. He didn't care to question more because in all honesty that had been his goal all along.

When he finished up, he took the hygiene products back to the table. "My bag." He looked around, unable to recall where he had placed it. When walking past one of the tea table he stumbled, pulling open his blazer and popping a button off. He lie there on the ground for a moment, confused as to how he ended up on the ground. His mouth felt dry.

He finally pushed himself up, glancing at the sofa the rested behind the table. "My bag." He saw it on the couch. Stumbling back to the table, he grabbed the mouth wash and tooth brush and shoved them in his bag. His stomach was feeling pretty funny.

"Where are you, Hikaru?" He asked himself, taking incoherent strides about the room. "You said," he hiccupped, "you and I would get wasted together the first time." But he had known from the beginning Hikaru wouldn't be there, because he had never told Hikaru. He knew even his older brother, though less mature, would have objected to it. He found his reason for living in Haruhi, the new addition to their world. Kaoru couldn't accept it. He just gave her up for him, gave up someone he loved too, and Hikaru didn't even come looking for him. "Baby." _That was right_, he though. _I am a baby; I am an immature baby._

He kicked at one of the coffee tables, knocking it over. He was only vaguely aware of his fit, but enough to remember not to kick any of the glass ones. Evidence of his tantrum could result in the discovery of his drinking.

He finally just settled by lying on the cold floor, pressing his face against the cool tiles. He felt hot all over. As he lay there, he heard a knock on the door. He was able to string the words together in spite of his head. "Come in."

Light strewn in as the door opened. He turned his head, looking to see who was there. To his astonishment, it was Ohtori-senpai, Kyouya. He betrayed nothing, though he was upset.

The senpai walked toward a closet, paying no heed to Kaoru. Kaoru felt it best not to speak.

"It is time to give Morinozuka and Haninozuka their graduation presents," Kyouya offered. Kaoru made no response.

Instead, Kaoru flipped over to his stomach so more of his face touched the floor. He was thankful that Ouran's floors were cleaned thoroughly every night. He could smell the lime cleaner on the floor. He wondered what Kyouya saw when he looked at him.

Kaoru couldn't even see Kyouya. He was blocked by the table, so all Kaoru could see were his pants and shoes. Kaoru was felt hospitable, so he asked, "Would you like a drink, senpai?"

He couldn't see his expression, though he thought he could hear amusement in Kyouya's voice. "No, _kouhai_." Kaoru wondered at his stressing of kouhai. Was Kyouya trying to slight him? He was moving up a grade. Kaoru ignored it.

Kyouya finally retreated from the closet carrying two small packages making Kaoru capable of viewing him fully. "Could you take my presents out there, senpai?" Kyouya smirked. Though many of his fan girls weren't familiar with such an expression from Kyouya, Kaoru—as a host—was.

"I assure you, Kaoru, that it would be conspicuous if I were to present your gifts for you," he provided. Kaoru sighed. He could not tell whether the tone in Kyouya's voice was condescension or amusement, both of which slighted him.

"Could you put them on the gift table for me?" he asked. A single chuckle escaped the pursed lips of the shadow king as he left the room, no acknowledgement paid to his question. Then Kaoru spoke, just loud enough for him to hear. "I never liked them that much anyway." But it wasn't true. He just wasn't thinking.


	2. Chapter 2

Kaoru had been dreading the coming of summer vacation. After the graduation, he knew he would have to spend most of his time by himself. Hikaru would want to be out pursuing Haruhi, and he would be home working on his summer assignments and avoiding the other club members—that is, whoever was left after Mori and Honey graduated. They were both getting ready for college.

The one he truly dreaded seeing was Kyouya. Kaoru's last encounter with him shouldn't have happened, and Kaoru was concerned that if he were to see the other club members, Kyouya would have already told them about what he did and they –his only friends—would shun him.

Kaoru sat in his desk, reviewing the night of the party in his head. His presents for Mori and Honey sat in his closet, dormant just as his feelings for them were. He could easily force his regrets for them back. _I probably won't see them ever again anyway, and we weren't really good friends. _He cupped his face in his palms, overwhelmed by stress and worry. He had never known that the young Ohtori could cause him to fear so much. He let out a groan of frustration, pushing at the desk and standing angrily.

He kicked over the chair, stalking over to his bed and screaming into the pillow. He then chucked the pillow at the desk, sweeping all of the containers and their contents to the floor, excluding his PC.

He lay in his bed, fuming at his predicament, sheets clutched in his fingers. He felt that if he were to move, to make a sound, he may entirely lose it and end up in the bathroom, shoving needles in his arms. He wouldn't use them; not then, he had to wait for a better timing. Not in the mornings either. He couldn't.

He glanced to the wall opposite the desk to see it open. "Hey, Kaoru," Hikaru greeted, grinning as he jumped down on the bed next to him. Kaoru tried to keep himself composed, though his previous episode would be hard to conceal. Hikaru examined the room, the grin still plastered across his face. "Looks like that summer homework was pretty difficult, huh? You should have come to me. I'm good at most things you suck at." He laughed, but Kaoru barely paid attention to his words. His hair still was going to take some getting used to. He didn't want to stare too much, so Kaoru reluctantly looked to his face and forced a smile.

"Heh, heh. It just was a bit hard for me. I got really frustrated," he flashed a cute grin, showing no teeth. Kaoru felt like he didn't have enough energy at the time. Hikaru's attentions for the room turned to Kaoru then, examining _him_.

"Hey, Kaoru, did you know you have _bags _under your eyes?" Kaoru's hand involuntarily reached for his eye, feeling the swollen bags underneath. Hikaru's eyes would be swollen too, at least that's how it used to be. Whenever Kaoru was up late, Hikaru was up as well. The younger twin felt like he would cry, but his eyes weren't even moist. He was too dehydrated. "You must be staying up pretty late." No, he wasn't. He really wasn't.

"Anyway," Hikaru began, "I was wondering…" That's how a conversation went. Hikaru would initiate small talk for a while, trying to pretend he _wanted_ to talk to him to make Kaoru feel better, and then he would ask for something. "…would you like to go out with me today?" His heart fluttered in spite of his intentions. Kaoru tried to hide his blush by turning his face away from Hikaru's. "The other hosts will be there, besides Mori and Honey." He sat up in the bed, readjusting his legs so that he was on his knees. Kaoru glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, curious as to what he could be doing. His curiousity was satisfied when he saw Hikaru on his knees, hands folded, begging him. "Come _on_! _Please..."_ Kaoru sighed, a sure sign he was about to give in. His fear grew stronger, but his wish to make his brother happy was much greater. Hikaru hugged his stationary body, sending his heart into an erratic state again.

Hikaru hurried out the door, returning to his own room to pick out an outfit for the day, Kaoru presumed. He slowly sat up, readying himself to reawaken his sense of fashion. Most days he'd just worn his pajamas. It wasn't as if anyone would see him. Kaoru sighed, dragging himself into the restroom to shower.

He crouched down, pulling a towel out of the small cupboard beneath the sink. He set the towel on the counter, proceeding to the shower. He turned the knob, feeling the cold water hit the hand that remained in the shower. He stripped himself of his clothing, throwing the past soiled pajamas in the laundry basket the maids kept in the restrooms. He stepped into the cold water, shivering as his body heat left him. He had been so upset that morning, but now he just felt soothed. He stood there and basked in it. He was now inspired. He made himself to remember to go swimming later this summer.

Once he felt too cold he turned the heat up, letting the warm water hit him. He grabbed the bar of soap, cleansing himself thoroughly of anything unpleasant. He had been neglecting his hygiene as of late and didn't wish to be seen in his disgusting state by the other hosts. He rinsed himself of the suds quickly, continuing on with the shampoo. He lathered it so well in his hair that suds began to run down his neck and back, quickly being washed away by the constant water.

The shampoo took a bit longer to rinse out than the suds, giving him time to consider his situation behind his closed eyes. Kyouya wasn't one to divulge information kept secret to others unless necessary. Kaoru was now considering the possibility that his abuse the previous night may still be unknown to the others. This relieved him of some worries, but he still wasn't entirely sure that he was safe. He shut the water off, running his hands through his hair to rid himself of excess water.

He stepped out of the shower and quickly grabbed his towel, roughly drying his hair and body with it. He wrapped it around his waist, returning to the main room. He collapsed at his desk, booting up his computer. He was too tired to care about the mess he had made of his room. He just wanted to relax.

"Kaoru!" he heard his brother call. "Hurry up! They're already here!" Kaoru shot up, knocking his chair over. Of course Hikaru forgot to mention that they were all meeting up at _their _house.

He threw open his closet, skimming through his options. He decided on a blue tank top and a pair of Khaki cargo pants. He rushed back to his desk, cursing at the uncoordinated mess he'd made. He grabbed his wallet and phone off the floor and rushed to the bathroom, reviewing himself in the mirror. He quickly fixed his hair, pushing his bangs in the right direction and putting on a pair of light blue toe sandals.

He ran out of his room and rushed past every other door in the hall. Even if Kyouya hadn't told anyone yet, he still could use this opportunity alone with them to tell them. Kaoru tripped going down the stairs, sending him into a cycle of somersaults and tumbles. "Aw, Goddammit," he exclaimed as he hit the back of his head on the final step. When he opened his eyes, Hikaru, Kyouya, and all of the others were there, watching him.

"Kaoru!" Tamaki gasped. "You shouldn't use such language in front of a lady!" He gestured toward where Haruhi _was_, that is, before she went over to Kaoru.

"You all right?" she asked, offering her hand to him. He reached for it with the hand that wasn't occupied with his head. She helped pull him up as well as she could with the help of Hikaru.

"Thanks," Kaoru said, joining the rest of the group. His eyes first landed on Kyouya, but Kyouya was busy writing something in his famed notebook, and Kaoru was pretty sure that 'something' was about him. Honestly, he didn't know what could be worse than the statement, _'Drunkard, masochistic second year student'_. He didn't care what it said as long as no one else saw it, and he intended to keep others from knowing. Sensing him staring, Kyouya met his gaze, a smirk playing at his lips. Surprised—and frightened—Kaoru turned his gaze to Hikaru, who was busy trying to tease Haruhi, succeeding only in getting Tono riled up. He sighed, catching the attention of the Shadow King once again. He shut his notebook, placing it in his backpack.

"So, Haruhi," Hikaru asked, "What commoners' place are we going to today?" Haruhi sighed.

"Well, I was just going to see a museum alone until you guys had ambushed me and dragged me here."

"A museum!" Tono randomly yelled. "What's that?"

"According to my research," Kyouya began, "it's a display of artwork or precious historical items that commoners visit to learn about their history. It's a lot like the numerous rooms my father keeps for his art collections."

"Why don't we just go to _your _house then?" Haruhi asked.

Tono gasped. "We could use your kotatsu!" Kyouya's mouth twitched slightly, betraying his irritation at his blond friend's naiveté.

Kaoru sighed, anxious as to where they'd end up. Unnoticed by the amber-haired boy, his sigh caught the eyes of Kyouya. "Well, it would be less expensive for Haruhi if we went to my house." Kaoru glanced back at him, searching his eyes for ulterior motives. This time his expression betrayed nothing, finding Kaoru in an unfortunate state.

"That sounds great!" Tono laughed. "Haruhi has never been to your house, Kyouya!" Then Tamaki proceeded to strangle Haruhi in another one of his murderous embraces from which Hikaru would try to force himself into. This instigated the wailing of Haruhi, which Kaoru would have to endure until someone—besides him—decided to intervene, which meant until Mori decided to step in… But Mori wasn't here today. Kaoru was tempted to join in with the torturing of the naïve girl, but he was feeling sympathy toward the girl, and he had lost his enthusiasm for this game long ago.

He stared on as Tono and Hikaru continued their unwanted display of affection toward the common girl. He took a moment to examine the meticulous Shadow King's reaction to the scene. Blank. He showed nothing. Kaoru wondered if Kyouya had thought about Hikaru and Tono the same way he had; if he had noticed how the absence of Mori and Honey had affected them. _Come to think of it_, Kaoru realized, _it would've been entirely like Honey to participate in the harassment of Haruhi. _Kaoru wondered if it was now his role to save Haruhi from his brother. Rolling his eyes, he approached the three of them, intent on freeing Haruhi.

"Tono," he called. "Hikaru. We should be on our way now." He smiled to seem less conspicuous in his behavior. Despite his attempts at acting, no eagerness shone through him, the smile not even reaching his eyes. No one seemed to notice this at all, though Tono and Hikaru's ministrations on Haruhi ceased. Kaoru sighed in relief that he wouldn't have to become more involved.

"Wow, Kaoru," Hikaru grinned, "I hadn't realized how excited you were for this visit to Kyouya's."

"Well," I began, forcing a grin to spread across my face, "It'll be just as great as a visit to the museum, right?"

"Definitely more stimulating than any common museum could be," Kyouya admitted. "And there's no vanity in such a statement. My family has always been a collector of ancient artifacts."

"Wow, Ohtori-senpai," Haruhi mused. "I didn't know your family was that into the arts." The other four started out the door, leaving Kaoru to linger in the doorway staring after them. After taking a deep breath, he followed, watching the four of them laughing and basking in the company of each other. Kaoru bit his lip, holding back the feelings that wished to poor about, painting over them with false apathy. He knew he could do this. He could do it. He could do it. _I can do this. I know I can. It's just a day with them as usual. _The chant continued as he was led toward the limousines by his companions.

"Hey, Kaoru," Hikaru called, snapping Kaoru's attention back to reality. "I'm going to ride with Tono and Haruhi. You want to come with?"

"Come, now," Kyouya began. "It would be rude to leave the host alone for the ride. Why doesn't Kaoru come with me?" There were no objections, though Kaoru wasn't pleased with the absence. _I can't say a ride back with Kyouya is the most appealing thing I could imagine. It's more along the lines of most frightening._

Kaoru nodded, the word lodged deep below his tongue, hiding from the powerful senpai. He managed a weak okay as he followed Kyouya back to his limousine, sliding into the car after him as the chauffer held the door for them. He'd never before ridden alone with Kyouya, and he'd never thought it'd be this tense. Then again, he hadn't ever thought he'd be caught completely hammered by the club Shadow King. He buckled his seatbelt, twiddling his thumbs in refusal to look at the fellow host opposite him.

"So, Kaoru," Kyouya began, causing Kaoru's heart to race. "How is your summer going?" _Why is he being hospitable? Can't he just get to the point?_ Kaoru forced himself to meet Kyouya's gaze.

"It's been just great," he said, forcing one of those familiar smiles across his face—the ones that never quite reach his eyes. "Hikaru and I have been having such a great time." _Another lie._ "It's only the beginning and we've already had more fun than one could ever want." _How long has it been since summer started? A day at the most. _He wasn't even trying to be genuine anymore.

The Shadow King brushed a hair from his face, his famous smirk playing at his lips. He straightened his glasses, taking a breath in preparation of his reply. Kaoru feared whatever might roll off his tongue. "That's good," Kyouya said with his smirk still present. Kaoru's eyes ran from his, instead becoming suddenly intent on memorizing the carpeting and the leather cushioned seats. The floor of the limousine was covered in soft black carpeting, and Kaoru was tempted to reach down and run his fingers through it to see if it felt as soft as it looked. His calves were beginning to sweat, making his legs stick to the black leather seats. All he really wanted to do was get out of the car, but he couldn't. He was playing by Kyouya's rules now. If he refused to play, it would be his loss, and Kyouya could string him as one of his many marionettes.

"How did you feel the other morning?" Things were starting to turn toward the obvious. Kaoru sighed, surrendering himself to the youngest Ohtori.

"Like shit," Kaoru admitted sullenly. Kyouya chuckled the expression on the young Hitachiin's face. "Had a terribly hangover." Kaoru laughed. "It's probably going to happen again."

"I was sure you knew better than to go try to destroy your self," Kyouya scolded, though he_ still_ smirked on. Kaoru sighed, cupping his forehead to his palm.

"I'll try not to negatively affect the club."

"You already have," Kyouya deadpanned, interrupting him. "You and Hikaru's brotherly love performance in the last months of the semester was entirely lacking. You lost many of your customers, save the regulars, though I don't understand why they insist on sticking around so long."

Kaoru laughed. "I guess our hearts haven't been in it."

"Haruhi is doing better."

The two hosts' eyes met then. "What?"

"You two should be getting at the least triple the amount of requests as Haruhi, but she currently has you both beat. Your performance has been very poor lately."


End file.
